Attention all mothers! Martyrdom is dead. Take it from a reformed people pleasing veteran, if you want to live a happy, fulfilled life you need some help to get rid of the desire to please others before yourself. Basically the more help you get the quicker you reform. Hire a coach, a counsellor or seek out a group tailor made for people pleasers.
Truly the biggest hurdle for those with the disease-to-please is convincing themselves that they are worth the time, money and effort of getting some skilled help.
So I imagine you might have some difficulty in that area so let me tell you something that might motivate you. This applies to all parents, whether they work in the home or out of the home. Go look at your daughter and think about all of the times you have put others before yourself. ThinK of all the times you felt guilty for taking care of your own needs. Remember, you are teaching her about how to be a woman. Your daughter is learning from you on how to make herself important in the world.
If you are not even on the list of importance then neither will she be, do you think that your daughter is worth the time, effort and money for you to seek assistance in this area? Every time you put someone before yourself, imagine it is really your daughter who is going to be last? Would you still act the same way? The only way to teach our children self respect and self love is to respect and love ourselves.
Another outdated thought is that children learn from what we say not what we do, WRONG! They are super sensitive sponges that gain their knowledge about the world from all of the actions of those around them. You are also teaching you son about women. If you cannot consider yourself, consider this...he will view the importance and relevance of women through your eyes. He will treat women exactly how you treat yourself.
"What we don't fix in ourselves we pass onto our children."
Now, that's a gift that keeps on giving. True to a pleaser's form, I imagine right now you are riddled with guilt as you read my words. Please don't dump on yourself...we are all a work in progress and ...when we know better we do better.
Mothers, you need to get on the list. The list of things that you consider important. Now the moment you start to make a shift and begin to transform your self importance your sponges (your children) will begin to learn too. It is never too late, we are always teaching our children regardless of how old they are. Imagine the wonderful gift you will give your children when you seek skilled, professional support in this area, you will teach your son and daughter how to reach out for help when they needs it.
Mothers, if you want to give your children a lifelong gift that will carry them through thick and thin, then teach yourself to know without a doubt, without a hesitation, without a guilt trip....that you are important.
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